The Jokes Thread

[clonezero]

From a friend's status:

In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.

They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."

"Correct."

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!"

The boss collapsed...)

Tang ina naman!

[HayWire]

I had a conversation with a friend about Valentine's Day tomorrow:
Friend: Gusto ko ng date sa coffee shop.

Me: Lagay mo bag mo sa harap mo.

Boom.

May date ka na )

Friend: =)))))

Me: O kung gusto mo.

Lagay ka ng calendar.

Yan.

28 dates )

Friend: i wanna smack you on the head right now =)))

[Serene]

Tangina.

[zero_kanipan]

pandagdag sa banat tungkol sa date.

lalake: gusto ko ng ka date today.
friend: baket? kasama mo naman lagi kamay mo ah?

[Serene]

pandagdag sa banat tungkol sa date.

lalake: gusto ko ng ka-date today.
friend: baket? kasama mo naman lagi kamay mo ah?

Nagtampo sa kanya kasi kinaliwa nya.

[Serene]

A woman who is three months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You have twins, a boy and girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh, no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Well, it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?

Doctor: Denephew.

[Fox]

[clonezero]

Gaaaaah!