The Jokes Thread

[Shintetsu]

Keight. Keyt. Cate. Cat.

Spamming to page 5!

DONE!

[azuriel07]

Keight. Keyt. Cate. Cat.

Spamming to page 5!

DONE!

lol.. pinilit ung K-8.. XD

parang:

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it's around 00:21

have I posted this on project wtf?

[Serene]

wife: Hon, delayed ako 1 buwan sa regla. Pero wag mo ipagsabi nakakahiya.
(The next day dumating taga Meralco)
Meralco: Ma'am delayed po kayo 1 buwan.
Wife: Ha!? Pano mo nalaman?
Meralco: Nasa record po.
... Husband: Aba! Bakit nakarecord dyan na delayed misis ko?
Meralco: Kung gusto nyong mawala sa record, magbayad po kayo.
Husband: Kung ayoko?
Meralco: E di puputulan namin kayo
Husband: Tarantado ka pala eh! Anong gagamitin ng misis ko!
Meralco: Pwede naman po siyang gumamit ng kandila

[Grim]

That was unexpectedly funny.

[NiX]

Hahahaha yeah I loled too.

[NiX]

From a contact's FB status:

All the Electrons were Having a Party,
.
Just then the protons started attacking all the electrons.
.
Suddenly a superhero came in and saved all the electrons.
.
The electrons asked him who are you? The superhero replied,
.
.
.
i am bond

'Bond......Covalent Bond'

[Fox]

At mayroon isang saksakan ng pangit na lalake na nakapulot ng isang mahiwagang garapon. Pagkabukas niya dito ay may lumabas na ubod ng gandang fairy na may kakayahan na bigyan ang makapakawala sa kanya ng isang kahilingan.

FAIRY: Ano ang iyong kahilingan?
LALAKE: May mapa ako dito ng Estados Unidos, dalhin mo ko sa California para matagpuan ko ang babae ng buhay ko.

FAIRY: Pasensya na pero hindi ko magagawa yun. Dito lang sa bansang Pilipinas gumagana ang powers ko.
LALAKE: Oh sige, hinihiling ko na maging mortal na babae ka na lang at pakasalan mo ako!

FAIRY: ????
*tinignan ng matagal ang lalake*
FAIRY: Punyeta! Patingin nga uli 'yang lintik na mapang yan at baka magawan ko ng paraan!

[spartansgestugatenso]

this is a comment i read on youtube a week ago


Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD

[iraya-sama]

BAkit walang kaibigan ang mga boobs?

kasi lahat nga tao sumisipsip lang sa kanila


its an old joke but whatever ahahha

[Goat]

BAkit walang kaibigan ang mga boobs?

kasi lahat nga tao sumisipsip lang sa kanila


its an old joke but whatever ahahha

Lol that. I'm sure I've heard of that one too, weird though; it feels as if this is the first time I've heard of it.

Now that I think of it, bakit kaya hindi pumuputok ang boobs kung palagi naman pinuputukan?

[Sirius140]

it sucks that being poked causes me to flip out of my chair. Like a 90-degree angle and I almost ate the floor.

[Serene]

A text Lola forwarded:

Invited daw tayo sa birthday ni dodong bukas. 8:00 ng umaga swimming daw. Sa kanila na daw yung entrance fee at dun na din sila magpapakain. Maglelechon daw sila. Invited tayong lahat sa birthday ni dodong bukas. Wala na din daw problema sa alak. Ang problema nga lang, kilala mo ba si dodong? Ako din hindi eh. Pinasa lang sa akin 'to. Forward mo na lang din sa iba para marami tayo na invited sa birthday ni dodong.

[Fox]

May kapitbahay ako na Dodong ang palayaw.

[Serene]

Baka sya na yun. Pakisabi nakalimutan nya sabihin kung saan yung venue.

[Serene]

From a friend's status:

In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.

They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."

"Correct."

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!"

The boss collapsed...)