Lines

[azuriel07]

Magbato ka nalang ng Papaya. At least mabigat sya XD

Every been ht by 2-day old bread cooled after being reheat in a toaster oven? It's as hard as a rock.

Magnanakaw ba tatay mo? kasi para niyang ninakaw ang mga bituin sa langit at nilagay sa iyong mga maniningning na mga mata

:x

Potang ena.

Turn bread to rock before throwing... noted.

[NiX]

From those email forwards:

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..We take English for granted, but
if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking
English could be running the danger of being called verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

[Fox]

Nice one, NiX.

[NiX]

Haha yeah english sucks.

[HayWire]

"Your mind is always in the trash can, so dirty!"

[J.E_Magog]

From a very old vodka ad that got stuck in my head over the years. The line "Czar's thirst for life" in particular

It was the Golden Age of Russia, and the Czar reigned supreme. Europe, Asia: all the empire was his. Regal coaches carried him in elegance, but with his Cossacks he rode like thunder. Hunting wild boar in the northern forests, hosting feasts for a thousand guests in the Great Palace, no man could match the Czar's thirst for life. And his drink? The toast of St. Petersburg. Genuine Vodka.

[zero_kanipan]

Miss, talo na ako sa boxing syo... looks mo palang knock out na ako!
-co-worker's brother

[HayWire]

"Oh, I thought you went home na."
"MAY WEIRD PERSON SA STREET EHHH ;A; " ~my friend's tutor

[Sforza]

Me: Parang zombie na ako lumakad dahil sa trainer ko -_-
GF: Alam mo ba kung ano ang zombie?

Me: Um. Yung patay na kulay green at kumakain ng utak, tas pag kinagat ka magiging ganun ka rin?

Her: Mali. Ang zombie ay... ZOM-akabilang buhay, BIE-nuhay!
Me: ... .... .... ....

Her: Oo na corny na ako

[NiX]

Next time, try to lol. =/

[Serene]

Me: Parang zombie na ako lumakad dahil sa trainer ko -_-
GF: Alam mo ba kung ano ang zombie?

Me: Um. Yung patay na kulay green at kumakain ng utak, tas pag kinagat ka magiging ganun ka rin?

Her: Mali. Ang zombie ay... ZOM-akabilang buhay, BIE-nuhay!
Me: ... .... .... ....

Her: Oo na corny na ako

Actually, the word Zombi is African. LoL

Nangiti ako sa joke nya actually. Hence the line:

'Alam mo na kung sobrang corny ka na kapag binabara mo na'ng sarili mo.'

[NiX]

From Bizarro by Dan Piraro

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

[Shintetsu]

‎

..but to be fully couched within the comfort of a friend is a mode of existence with severe implications. To please you perfectly, she must understand you perfectly. Thus you cannot defy her or escape her reach. Her benevolence has circumscribed you, and your life's achievements will not reach beyond the map that she has drawn.

[HayWire]

The freshmen are having their craft sale today so here's a pun from one of their shirts:

"I mustache you a question but I will shave it for later"

[Serene]

Every been ht by 2-day old bread cooled after being reheat in a toaster oven? It's as hard as a rock.

Turn bread to rock before throwing... noted.

Ano ka Dyos? Ahaha

Ngayon ko lang nabasa to ah.