Current time: 06-20-2024, 08:08 AM
Danse Macabre
#1
That just about says it, now doesn't it?

Danse Macabre is just getting started and it's all being written on the fly. Give ideas and I might include them. Criticize and I might change something. It's all right off the top of my head, so even last-minute ideas can easily find a home in the story.

I'd appreciate criticism -- especially the constructive kind. I'm very good at taking it and more than once I've changed something because of it. Every idea and comment and suggestion will be read and considered; so don't worry if you think I won't care about what you mention. Fact is? I probably will.

--Etienne Noir
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#2
WOW.

Awesome work man. I totally like the dark, Gothic, neo-cyberpunk feel. It kinda feels like Vagrant Story mixed in with some Deus Ex, with some Magicite-enriched Final Fantasy VI thrown in for good measure. Which is goooooooooood. Big grin (<a href='http://ravenrepublic.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=423&view=findpost&p=7769145' target='_blank'>I seem to be making a habit of comparing members' works with certain video games.</a> Forgive me, it's but a natural way for me to react.)

In your two chapters, you've managed to build a feeling of that ominous air, of impending things to come. I just know it's going to happen to Etienne Noir soon. Something big. It kinda... makes me feel like <a href='http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/nintendo/snes/ctmcastl.mid' target='_blank'>this</a>... and <a href='http://www.vgmusic.com/music/console/sony/ps1/vs-d1t9.mid' target='_blank'>this</a>...

Anyway, the only criticism I can point out is that too many names get thrown at the reader quickly, so they're left scrambling to find the meanings of these things or who these people are in order to understand your story more. How about toning it down? Or at least, having a background paragraph or so after the statement of the said term. Granted, some of the other AC-related fics have too many nouns (proper or otherwise) per chapter, but that's OK since everyone knows what the author is talking about. In your case, you'll need to hold the hand of the reader more and walk them through the story, unless confusion is really what you're going for.

Other than that, it's great work. I'll be looking forward to the others. Smile
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#3
My jaw dropped to the floor a few minutes ago and i can't seem to haul it back up. Fething awesome man! I'll hafta re-read the first chapter again before i give any criticism or comments. Great work!
"May those who accept their fate find happiness. May those who defy their fate find glory."
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#4
TWO CHAPTERS. I wrote the second one as soon as I posted the first. FAST, for me. I must be getting really creative lately.

I find it scary that my work is so well recieved. (Two people actually think it's good? MADNESS!)

Shouldn't last too long, I have a tendency to get off to an amazing start.. then crash and burn.

Hopefully, that won't happen this time.

In the mean time, thanks for vague comments that accurately express pure "WOW". But really, if you could find ANY flaws that bug you in the least, just tell me. It helps me more than you might think, and ends in a better quality work overall.

Also, if you have any ideas for how you think it should go, just tell me that too. I'll never say if I'm going to use an idea or not, so spoilers won't happen. And even if you have a guess, I'll more than likely throw a wrench in the works to make it turn out radically different. Creativity is only gonna happen if I have lots of inspiration, so feel free to write up 500+ ideas and PM them to me or post them right here. As I said up top, every idea will be considered.

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EDIT
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Thank you Grimlok.

Actually, I encourage re-reading. After the fourth chapter or so, I'm going to add a glossary.

If I use the "background paragraph" idea, it breaks up the story. I like to throw things at the reader, make them think and envision and use context clues. Once the glossary is in place, context clues will be less necessary but it won't break up the story.

Reason it'll take me till the fourth chapter is due to the sheer amount of terms that are going to be introduced in the first four chapters. They're introductory, showing 4-5 different protagonists in different situations. The terms would be bloating every time I added another chapter. After the fourth chapter, the bloat will go down until towards the end.

To use an AC analogy, the first four chapters are like AC3-NX. Most of the terms appear in those in huge quantities. There's something new in every one. Most of the story is going to be like NB. That is to say: less new terms, more gameplay (or in the case of this, storyline.) Towards the end it'll be like Last Raven. A ton of completely unexpected terms that come straight out of NOWHERE.

It's going to be confusing and alienating at the start, but it'll also let them get a feel for the world. Whenever the glossary does appear, it'll be a sort of enlightenment. Previously confusing-as-hell concepts will become fully understood, and they'll see alot of connections that they wouldn't have seen if I had used the descriptive paragraph idea.

And as I said at the start, this story encourages re-reading. Even with the glossary, you'll want to read through it again, because there's always cultural references in there. Some I might not have even known existed.

Hope you understand that.

--Etienne Noir
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#5
<!--QuoteBegin-Grimlok+March 16, 2007 08:35 am--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Grimlok @ March 16, 2007 08:35 am)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->
Awesome work man. I totally like the dark, Gothic, neo-cyberpunk feel.
[/quote:2a2d9a734a]
I too, get this kind of feeling. Nice work Etienne_Noir, there's even a detailed history about the story. Hope to see more chapters from you. I love dark environments lol. Chair
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#6
<!--QuoteBegin-Etienne_Noir+March 13, 2007 04:12 pm--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Etienne_Noir @ March 13, 2007 04:12 pm)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> It's going to be confusing and alienating at the start, but it'll also let them get a feel for the world. Whenever the glossary does appear, it'll be a sort of enlightenment. Previously confusing-as-hell concepts will become fully understood, and they'll see alot of connections that they wouldn't have seen if I had used the descriptive paragraph idea. [/quote:ab956cc50a]
Cool. Like I said, if that was what you were going for, then it was well executed.

Oh, and I'm one of the unfortunate few who cannot seem to be able to respond to PMs. Fox too, which explains why he wasn't able to answer yours.
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#7
Actually, I got your PM. The error effects nothing, as I found when PMing Fox. It's actually just a glaring bug in the code that doesn't change the function much. It does, however, often cause me to send a message multiple times.

It's nice to know that people like even the world the story is set in, especially being a community of AC fanatics from the far reaches of the world. (I'm from Sweden.)

And if you managed to like Etienne, then you've confirmed my suspicions that my strategy worked -- an alienating protagonist that people can identify with.

Maybe I'll move the other (not yet introduced) characters away from the fantasy/cyberpunk tropes I had them set in originally, and off into unknown territory. Then again, I might not. Gotta keep everyone on their toes, you know.

So, noone yet has suggestions for the story itself? Pity. I was thinking of sharing royalties if I ever published it... Wink

--Etienne Noir
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#8
Your writings have this creepy, gothic vibe to them that I really enjoyed. With the amount of detail in the first two chapters, I would've been lost if the backstory hadn't helped out. Very good if I say so.

Hey, I've no problems with protagonists like that. Anti-heroes like Etienne are way more interesting than the generic cookie-cutter types. I'm really looking forward to the next chapters.
<span style='colorWhistleed'><span style='font-familyOhmyptima'>This world is one of sadness. Battle brings death. Death brings sorrow. The living... may not hear them. Their voices... may fall upon deaf ears. But make no mistake... the dead... are not silent. Now you will know the sorrow of those whose lives you have ended... <br>-The Sorrow, Metal Gear Solid 3</span></span>
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#9
Thanks, Necron.

The gothic vibe is an unintentional side effect of trying to mix film noir with "Snow Crash" and "Rats and Gargoyles". Everyone notices it.

The next chapter will deviate from that slightly, because of the third (and MAYBE fourth) character(')s(') location(s). However, the creepy part will only increase if I deviate from the gothic, because of the very nature of the sort of creepy I've set as my goal. That is to say; "sweet Christ I wish I were dead"-style nerve-shattering eschatological terror.

The detail will increase more and more till the fourth chapter, so expect to be searching frantically for context clues until then.

As for my protagonists, it's far more interesting to see a cookie-cutter character in a situation you'd never find him in (e.g., the Monomyth-style hero in Cthulhu's lair) than it is to see unconventional characters in unconventional situations. Likewise, it'd be VERY interesting to see Etienne at a horse race.

However, for the purposes of this story, unconventional characters AND conventional ones will both be used (probably) to avoid humor. Even sparse black humor can kill a story meant to be serious. Most murder-mystery movies have no jokes, ever wonder why? Precisely so.

--Etienne Noir
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#10
Sorry for double post, but Danse Macabre is on hold. Has been for awhile. I just don't have time, gonna lose the internet soon because my landlord SUCKS.. And everything's just piling up. I have school work to do and everything.

Whenever I get time again, I'll definitely do it. I love this story. But between my new blog, the running of a small roleplay channel on Battle.net USWest and so many other things, I just DON'T have time.

--Etienne Noir
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#11
<!--QuoteBegin-Etienne_Noir+March 27, 2007 11:50 pm--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Etienne_Noir @ March 27, 2007 11:50 pm)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin--> Whenever I get time again, I'll definitely do it. I love this story. But between my new blog, the running of a small roleplay channel on Battle.net USWest and so many other things, I just DON'T have time. [/quote:07584c5f2b]
I feel ya' man. I have the same situation with my fanfic. It's been the longest held up project here, I think.
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#12
As of Monday, I have the internet back. This is wonderful news for you, my loving fans.

I have chapters 3 and 4, the glossary, and interludium i of Danse Macabre finished, and have a good portion of another story -- Yet Another Armageddon -- completed. Lovely, inn't it?

Should note that YAA is completely at odds with Danse Macabre and it's own title. You might be surprised, not necessarily in a bad way though.

Planning on making a soundtrack (!!) for Danse Macabre. I've found a good setup in FL Studio 5 that I've been working with, and it makes appropriately EVIL sounds.

I've been messing (properly) with joining something that's coming into vogue a little south of my hometown . "Society for Creative Anachronism". I get to learn swordplay, very fun. Expect to see appropriately epic swordfights between Many-Handed Etienne (and another many-handed fellow) and various faceless goons.

Chapters 3 and 4 are lovely, especially because they're much more utopian in tone than the first two. This is GOOD for the evil gothic atmosphere, and GOOD for the "oh shi--" sanity-blasting that is to come. Believe me. I wrote them.

As for Yet Another Armageddon, I don't want to give anything away. It's very dear to me, that project, and it's a one-shot deal: no chapters, just one short story. So, you'll hear whispered tales of it in this paragraph, and every one will be misleading and send you reeling when you see the finished work.

That's about all.

--Etienne Noir
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