War of the birds(manga) discusion

[R.Leonhardt]

I don't know if this is the place where I should put this but oh well.

The thread's purpose is to ask for help in a manga I'm planning to make. Because truthfully,I want to make a manga but I'm not a good writer.

Plot:

(somehow Based on the Philippine history.....)


Once a peaceful country,the nation *I don't know the name yet* is now under the control of an ever so powerful empire which took hold of the government,resources and markets,driving people into lives of harsh labor just to keep food on the table .It was a death of a hero that gave rise to the country's people. Being motivated by that incident, a group was formed to fight back. The battle was fierce,and although the soldiers put up a fight,it was futile,the empire was too strong for them,too large for a small group to confront. Because of their dilemma,they are enforced by allied forces which greatly increased their chances of surviving. But even with this much force,the situation is still critical....

The forces:

EAGLE- The country's military. Armed with early generation weaponry,they are left with only their minds to rely on.

RAVENS- a group of discharged soldiers from the army because of disobedience and other military faults. Even though they are discharged,they are elites,they disobey because they do things their way. They are mercenaries hired by the army to execute risk taking missions. The ones behind the country's initial success and the ones responsible to why the country can still stand.

Allied forces- Nations that provides back up. Nations like a US based fictional country.

Empire-a fictional empire based on the old Spanish empire which was once considered to be one of the best colony

Characters are soon to come,I'm still sketching them,I might include Sophy lol.

just give me some ideas to improve the plot or the overall story

[Grim]

You've already got a pretty solid start to begin with. The backdrop plot sounds solid enough to create a believable world, and still general enough to allow for expansion.

So let me get this straight: we have a country, now under the control of an empire. Eagle's forces are too weak to fight back against this empire though, so they employ Ravens from other allied forces to help them overthrow the current government. Am I correct so far? It does sound a lot like Philippine history.

So where exactly do you need help? Character creation? If so, just choose a side on where the character will be based on: a lowly soldier from Eagle perhaps, or a Raven, or one of the top brass in the empire. Since this is going to be a manga you can afford to be a little more over-the-top and excessive with some of the traits, but don't try to create a "supercharacter" too much. Add some faults. Someone who can overpower the other side very easily would make the whole manga unbalanced, and therefore boring.

As for mood, it'd be best to decide early on what type of it is going to be in your manga. Is it going to be overly serious? Or is there going to be some comedy thrown into the mix?

You need not go so into depth with fleshing out what happened in the past, I think. You can always do that through some artsy flashback sequences with your characters, lol.

If you've noticed I'm really pushing for this because I'd rather have something done complete, even if it's only small project and is done by one or two people, than a big collaboration with nothing done at all.

[R.Leonhardt]

Yeah lol.

I need help on what the county's name will be,the empire's name,how do I show that this happens in the near future,how to unfold stuffs,how to start it,what scene goes first and how to make the plot twisted or something.I just need some Ideas,like a special force working for the empire,you know,some other stuffs that I can add up.

lol,I don't want my characters to be superhumans or anything,just normal soldiers,a more realistic background.Although some characters won't seem fitting to be a soldier. Ages will range from 20 to 50.

I want to emphasize team work and tactics here than individual skills like the one in Gundams,tho 08th MS team could be a good basis.

I think it would be best if I add up comedy,just don't want to put chibis here.And a little bit of Romance of course.

Now about the characters,I already made some but I think it's still few,I need more ideas on the character's traits.

Also I need help on what type of weapons will each force use.Example is that "will I put the NEXTS exclusive to RAVENS?" or "will the EAGLES only have MTs as their primary weapon?".

[NiX]

Macapagal-Arroyo Empire. Yep.

Before you start, decide first on how long you want to go on with this manga.

If you have the time and the motivation to keep doing this, then you can probably stretch this to more than 10 chapters.

But if you intend for this to be a sort of one-shot, try limiting yourself to around 3-5 chapters with 15-20 pages each. You don't want to spread yourself too thinly. You don't wanna lose interest in the middle of it either.

Whatever the case, it'll still be best if you set a target for the number of chapters you will make. And then try to make a general story outline for each chapter so that you know what you'll be drawing.

If it's set in the Philippines, I suggest you use Filipino/Tagalog words for proper names. Like instead of "EAGLE", try "AGILA" or "LAWIN" or "HARIBON" or something. That'll add to the Filipino flavor. Try using Filipino names for the characters too.

Keep in mind though that since Armored Core is about war, try to limit the comedy (this isn't Nadesico) and the romance (this isn't Gundam Seed) >_< Remember that the theme of Armored Core is always THE STRUGGLE FOR POWER.

I'll try to add to/critique the story as you develop it more.

[R.Leonhardt]

Tho it is based on Philippine history,it's not in Philippines,although I kinda like the AGILA name as well. But I definitely do not want to put filipino names like Juan or Pedro in the manga lol.
And I want to make it more than 10 chapters to make it long enough to explain thoroughly the story.

[NiX]

Filipino names don't necessarily have to be Juan or Pedro. That's just stereotypical.

If you think you can handle more than 10 chapters, by all means, go ahead.

EDIT - don't be discouraged by our suggestions though. I'm really looking forward to this one

[Sforza]

While you're forming your story, here's a list of 20 writing blunders that happen quite often (click the link).

Oh, and make sure the world is believable. For example:

1. There needs to be a reason why the allied forces aren't allied already (we have text and the net, lol).
2. There needs to be a reason why other countries avoid interfering with the empire (maybe they're all empires?).
3. There needs to be a reason why the empire can't just launch targeted air strikes at the resistance and wipe them out.
4. There needs to be a reason why the situation hasn't devolved into civil war yet. Maybe the populace is Catholic?
5. War is often characterized as the absence of love. How will you make sure the heroine isn't stereotypical, or even a Mary Sue? There are a bunch of comic books/manga that don't have love angles.

Anyway, those are just things to think about. If you don't think you need to address them, don't bother. I'm not asking you to answer them all either.

[R.Leonhardt]

1) What do you mean?? I don't quite get it..
2)Most of the countries are part of the empire.And some are just too afraid because the empire is very powerful
3)Because since this is in the future,airstrike are quite useless considering that you just shoot them down with a single Muscle Tracer lol. And,since they occupied the lands(again based on history),an airstrike could misfire to one of their own civilians.
4)Yep,most of the population ARE catholic
5)lol,I'll make a way


I think I'm going to post this one at the back of the manga so they won't wonder lol

[Goat]

Gawin mong Front Mission style yung battles mo.

[R.Leonhardt]

Check if these uniforms are fine



And a chart



Whadya think??

[Goat]

Ayos ah, kaso medyo malabo pa kasi mata ko eh.

Ink mo.

[Grim]

Nice start!

The suits for the Ravens look sleek enough without being too Gundam pilot-like. And Eagles look like they're SWAT or something. As for the ACs, I know this isn't the time to ink them in yet so they're fine for the time being. Good stuff.

You said you wanted to go more than 10 chapters. How long is each one? The only thing stopping you from finishing this is if you make it too long and you lose interest in the middle of the project, like NiX said. Because of that, I'd advice you to begin on the manga as soon as you can, like when you have a solid outline for all your chapters.

[R.Leonhardt]

I think I'll make each chapter 30 pages atleast. the only thing that ever stop me from finishing my previous mangas s the inking part.I need somekind of a assistance on that.

I wanted to start but I don't know how to start lol,how to start it all??should I begin with introducing the country itself or the character??

[Grim]

I think I'll make each chapter 30 pages atleast. the only thing that ever stop me from finishing my previous mangas s the inking part.I need somekind of a assistance on that.

I wanted to start but I don't know how to start lol,how to start it all??should I begin with introducing the country itself or the character??

30 pages is quite long. When you add all the chapters up that totals 300 pages at the least. You're not being paid for this manga, I'm sure you won't spend all your time on it, and for the most part you're working alone, so the chances of your manga falling to the wayside are present. I suggest halving the total output, 15 pages per chapter. That should be enough. But, as always, this is your own project, so the final decision on how long you want it to be is up to you.

There are some popular ways on how to start telling a story. One is that you could start with a general "situationer" on the world. Introduce the big factions, and possibly some very major characters (like the antagonist). That could be your first chapter. Or, you could go straight into the action, and just tell the story through flashbacks and foreshadowing. For example, your first frame could be the character's AC getting shot, or something to that effect. I know that the latter method (particularly the part about using flashbacks/foreshadowing devices) isn't greatly used in the popular manga, but hey, this is yours.

[R.Leonhardt]

Posted the Intro on the sketch pad,I can't put it on the writer's corner coz it's an art...
A rather pathetic intro tho... -_-