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Mobile Suit guidebook for newbies (Jokes)
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Chapter 1: Basics
1. This booklet is for Mobile Suit pilots newbies. Mobile Armor, tanks, fighter and heli pilots should not follow this, the author is not responsible for your death.
2. This booklet should only be a reference if you are experienced or an ACE.
3. The author is not responsible for any negative outcomes from reading this booklet
4. This booklet is confidential--it should not be distributed among non-military personals.
5. This booklet is not-for-sale.

Chapter 2: Routines
6. Remember the code, color and especially where you last parked your Mobile Suit, or else you won't be able to find your mech during times of war.
7. In narrow places, keep your hand/legs on relative controllers. If you really need to free up a hand, free one only--you don't want your Mobile Suit to ram into a wall.
8. No cooking in the cockpit
9. When piloting in crowded area, watch your footing. Those who stepped on their superior are either in jail or in grave.
10. Do not enter areas when it says 'MS NONE STEP', even if it's in enemy base, unless they randomly paint them everywhere.
11. When parking your Mobile Suit, park it properly without making funny poses--unless you want to pick a fight with the maintainance staff.
12. Don't piss off the maintainance staff--they only need to unscrew a bolt to mess up your life.
13. Unless specified, before leaving your Mobile Suit, make sure the engine and power source is OFF, unless you want to be the first idiot to be trampled by your own Mobile Suit.
14. When leaving your cockpit, mind your head.
15. No altering the appearance of your Mobile Suit, and especially no slogans, posters, notices, commercials or your girlfriend's picture--unless you want enforcers/enemy shots to come looking for you.
16. Practice bullets cannot scratch your Mobile Suit, but it can squash you, so no matter how hot it is, keep your cockpit door CLOSED.
17. Do not bring your girlfriend into the cockpit, unless she's from the maintainance staff.
18. No taking walks in your Mobile Suit, it's not cool

Chapter 3: Combat
19. When launching, make sure there's no obstacles in your way.
20. When launching, it is unnecessary to say things like 'XXX, attack/launching/charge!', but it is necessary to check your system
21. Even if it is useless, wear your helmet.
22. When launching, do not tease popular female ACEs, mechanics or communicators, unless she's your girlfriend. And as a note, female captains/CIC are not included--newbies don't have such courage
23. You were not, are not, and will not be the MVP on the battlefield, so don't get cocky.
24. Hiding among large squads of Mobile Suit will not increase your chance of survival, instead, enemies tend to focus fire on Mobile Suit clusters.
25. Make sure you know the capability of your Mobile Suit, especially if you're piloting one of the mass production type; if you are piloting a Zaku but think you are a gundam pilot, make sure you have written your will.
26. Keep an eye on the following units: those who lurks in the corner/long range snipers/sneaky assassin squadrons/mothership/Mobile Armor. You won't regret it when they start shooting.
27. Your enemy are always better than you, remember.
28. You can stand in the way of your queen, but don't do so for Beam/Laser/Missiles--always make way for them.
29. Never fight the main characters, there's half a chance you will get promoted, but only 1 out of a thousand gets promoted alive.
30. If your opponent is an Mobile Armor, don't toy with them. It's usually the other way round.
31. Don't stand out, especially when you are a squad leader
32. Support fire never arrive on time.
33. Don't think you are a New Type/coordinator/super human, even if you are.
34. Save up on ammo. You're either a genius or a complete idiot if you run out of ammo/battary when the battle ends.
35. The best pilots are usually teenagers operating custom mechs. Friend or foe, stay away from them. It helps.
36. Luck is expandable. That means, lucky events eventually runs out. If you managed to escape from heavy artillery fire for 3 times, you probably won't for the 4th time. Main casts who never run out of luck are an exception.
37. Supplies are never sufficient, that's for everyone. So always keep your Mobile Suit fully charged and full of ammo when not on a mission. DO NOT play computer games with your Mobile Suit PC.
38. Some special weapons need several components to be functional, so even though your weapon has ran out of ammo/energy, don't throw it away.
39. Do not wander in front of your mothership--you won't get credits for dying from friendly fire.
40. When returning from mission, unless otherwise specified, either the ship/cargo A.S.A.P. No fooling around and acting silly in the radio--half of those in history are punished, and the other half are shot down by enemies.
41. No screaming in corridors, and no singing if you can't.
42. Don't believe in safety devices in your Mobile Suits--if they can protect you well, there is no need for the army to recruit more soldiers. Train hard.

Chapter 4: Extras
43. This booklet is only for reducing chances for newbies to mess up, but it does not guarentee safety.
44. The author is not responsible for any outcome.
45. This booklet is non-official, so do not mix it up in your lecture notes.
46. No reading this booklet when piloting.
47. No matter what mech you piloting, don't fight the main cast
48. Don't fight the black ops Mobile Suits.
49. Avoid the red Mobile Suit.
50. More importantly, avoid any Mobile Suits in white and blue.

Special note: Don't rely on shields for defense, especially against MAP weapons.
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Mobile Suit guidebook for newbies (Jokes) - by azuma-blade - 09-29-2007, 01:29 AM

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