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Crimson · 10-16-2007, 10:51 PM

Tell me what you thought of it.

As I said, this could turn into a more indepth fanfic if I can devise a good plot, but the story in and of itself was made for fun because I like making these kinds of things.

PM me if you have any ideas for good fanfic story plots to build off of.

Grim · 10-17-2007, 01:21 PM

Look who's back!

Good chapter, there was a flow in the movement of the narrative. Story-wise, well I'm not real familiar with the Zoid world, but yeah I can imagine how it would go from what I've seen on Cartoon Network.

Be sure to proofread your chapters though, there are a few typos in there. Otherwise, cool.

Crimson · 10-17-2007, 10:42 PM

I can understand you if you aren't familiar with the Zoids world, not many people are. It is based post Royal Cup, where Bit beat the Berserk Fury. Many things have transpired since, like switching of team members, Brad with Naomi and Brad to the Blitz Team (once with Naomi).

I should have made a prolouge, but it is ok. I may come back to it later.

Yea...typos...I actually updated the first chapter, so I will put it up soon, along with chapter 2.

From now on, the story will be 3rd person. It will flow better imo.

Crimson · 10-18-2007, 04:52 AM

I updated chapter 1 and Chapter 2 is up

enjoy Big grin

strawhat_luffy · 10-19-2007, 10:57 AM

sorry I couldn't get back to you on AIM. I had to answer the phone.

I read the first chappy, and it was great. full review/all chapters reading will be up tomorrow

Crimson · 10-20-2007, 06:04 AM

Chapter 3 is up. It has some fighting, but a good bit of character dialouge. Enjoy Big grin

Crimson · 10-24-2007, 09:07 AM

Chapter 4 is up. Enjoy Big grin

clonezero · 10-24-2007, 09:46 PM

daring ... Shifty

lol I'll also finish my small fanfic on gseed destiny >_<
anyway its the sem break and I don't get to do much most of the time XD haha

Crimson · 10-28-2007, 05:25 PM

Chapters 5 and 6 are up.

Enjoy...I stayed up until 5:30 in the morning to finish them...@_@

Grim · 10-28-2007, 05:58 PM

Cool chapters. I do feel that Jason is the stereotypical uber-pilot character though. You might want to put in a few weaknesses to round out his character and make him feel more real.

Also, I think you tend to dwell too much on the wrong details, like what your character does in between the fights (going to the kitchen, eating, waiting). If you were going somewhere with these details then I would understand, but for now they feel like fillers, mostly. Focus on events that happen that have a significant impact on the story. Or, in lieu of these in-between events, have a more descriptive approach towards the story.

Crimson · (This post was last modified: 10-29-2007, 01:26 AM by Crimson.)

Thx Grim.

I thought I did throw in a few weaknesses, but I guess I was being a little too subtle with it. I do have it planned for Jason to have more difficulty in battle, just haven't gotten around to writing out the chapters yet.

This is my first fanfic so I figured I would dwell on in hopes of being descriptive...I just did it in the wrong place. Where do you think I should be more descriptive? I feel I am pretty descriptive in the battle sequences or am I wrong?

What else do you feel I should improve on? I can take critical analysis as long as people are ultimately trying to help, you know? Big grin

Also, how long should i make this fanfic go? 10-15 chapters? 15-20? This would help me know what details to cut out and what not.

Grim · 10-29-2007, 06:21 AM

Crimson Wrote:This is my first fanfic so I figured I would dwell on in hopes of being descriptive...I just did it in the wrong place. Where do you think I should be more descriptive? I feel I am pretty descriptive in the battle sequences or am I wrong?

Also, how long should i make this fanfic go? 10-15 chapters? 15-20? This would help me know what details to cut out and what not.

I think the battles need more description. Show to us not only what's happening as events, but as events with sights and sounds and smells. Also, show what the characters feel during combat. Fear, excitement, arrogance, etc.

Since this is your first fic, and you're already on your 6th chapter, put the cap somewhere between 15-20. You'll need to speed up some of the events though, as things are moving a bit slowly right now.

Crimson · 10-30-2007, 09:36 AM

Chapter 7 is up. Enjoy Big grin

Grim · 10-31-2007, 08:10 AM

ZOMG a complication! Big grin

Crimson · 11-02-2007, 07:21 AM

Chapter 8 is up. It is the battle between Jason and his brother

Enjoy! Big grin

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