Dreams

[zero_kanipan]

its been a while since ive had a dream vivid enough to be recalled once i woke up. this one was from a few days ago, but it's still pretty fresh in my mind.

the walls of the room were made of something organic, either bleached wood, or bamboo. the floor felt like it was covered in carpet, perhaps bamboo mats. it was hot and perspiration trickled down my face and back drenching my thin and torn camisa de chino. i walked out of the room wanting to get out of my sweaty clothes, and the hot room reeking of sweat. a feeling of freshness comes over me as i step out of the room into a large area. the ceiling was high and was lost to darkness. in front of me was a plain area with the ground covered with concrete tiles. in the distance i could make out what seemed to be a zen garden. the area was empty save for what i think was my mom. i asked her where my clothes and she directed me to my room and mentioned i would need a ladder to get to it. somewhat confused i asked where i could get a ladder. she replied that theres one in the pool room above the dojo. there was another moment of confusion as i asked myself how we ended up with a dojo and even a pool above it. i thanked her and headed to my right where i knew the training hall was . it was empty and barely lit, to the right of the entrance were stairs leading up. there was light coming from above and the definitive sounds of water and merry making. i went up the stairs and knitted my brow when i looked at the pool area. it simply wasn't possible. an olympic sized pool was there even tho the dojo area below wasn't even half the size of the pool. the height of the stairs was also standard, indicating there should be no depth to the pool, yet some people were diving into the pool on one end. i ignored my logic and looked around for the ladder. around a dozen people were in the pool area. of note was Hanai (from School Rumble) by the side of the pool stuffing cotton into some pillow of some sort. in the distance the girls from love hina were playing in the pool. there were other swimmers in the pool too but i couldnt recognize them. i then turned my view forward and spotted the ladder. just beyond it tho lying on what seemed to be a cage-like container for volleyballs was Mikoto (also from School Rumble). her skin glistened either from water or sweat. she seemed to be naked, but someone had covered her delicates with white shirts and towels. my eyes gazed at her for a while as i stood in front of the ladder. half-mesmerized, half-curious why there was a sense of nostalgia lingering about. then i realized the shirts were mine. i scratched my head in confusion and went up the ladder as i notice it was connecting to a room. the room i entered was small and simple. the only thing i found interesting was a pile of shirts that i knew to be mine. i went over and took a white shirt to replace the sweaty cloth i was wearing. after i put the shirt on a voice called to me from behind asking what i was doing. the voice was familiar and turning around i realized it was Mikoto's. she was awake now and with one of my shirts on. i explained that i went to get my shirt. she peered over my shoulder, at the pile, and what she was wearing. she then explained she didnt know they were mine and apologized saying the instructor just told her she can wear those. she continued to talk, but the words were lost to me as i simply stared at her face much how like one would stare at a loved one. but inside of me i felt torn and disappointed knowing that while she was available i was far too weak and unworthy of her. i dont recall how i went back to the open area, but i came back to it and was talking to Kamagawa (Ippo's coach in Hajime no Ippo), asking how long he will continue to train people. he replied that he was hoping to retire in a year and take up medicine which confused me. then i thought that there was no way for me to get stronger in one year. the view then shifted to Ippo inside a cave or sorts jogging on a path along a cliff, stopping every now and then to shadow box. there was a realization that even Ippo took several years to be as strong as he is. And those were years of doing nothing but training all day, while I would be hard pressed to find an hour in my schedule to exercise. Worse, even with Ippo's three years of daily training, he still wasn't the strongest. the dream ended with that feeling that no matter what i do i wont amount to anything worth the attention and love of someone.

of course this lead to me playing all senti songs last saturday at work XD