10-13-2006, 04:33 PM
Comments:
Nice, chapter 1 kinda gives me a good idea of things to come if those two ravens are going to be together. Good beginning too, for the characters. Jaden seems like a typical raven although Hitomi seems to have a few issues. Forgive me but i find it a little unusual for a mercenary to emotionally break down like Hitomi did. What a crybaby
Chapter 2 was cool. All that cussing was a fun counterpart to the mushiness in chapter 1. I see now that Hitomi isn't like the typical girl who immediately falls for the hero. She'd probably smack him one if it wasn't just the two of them. That last part where they left the ACs seems rushed but i can see it was pretty hard to do for the two characters.
I'll read the two other chapters later.
ADD-ON
OK, just finished 3 and 4. I'll be taking back what i said earlier that Hitomi has a few issues. I'm now going to say that she has a LOT of issues. Hell, even Jaden has problems.
Nice touch on the two. Not your typical lead characters who are all gung-ho, save-the-world-get-the-girl-types, although i'm quite sure how their relationship will turn out already. Well i can't blame them. I mean, anyone who has a childhood like those two would be very screwed-up psychologically. Those two are so emo.
Good pacing with the story. The prologue was okay and its getting better. Keep it up. :bigsmile:
Nice, chapter 1 kinda gives me a good idea of things to come if those two ravens are going to be together. Good beginning too, for the characters. Jaden seems like a typical raven although Hitomi seems to have a few issues. Forgive me but i find it a little unusual for a mercenary to emotionally break down like Hitomi did. What a crybaby
Chapter 2 was cool. All that cussing was a fun counterpart to the mushiness in chapter 1. I see now that Hitomi isn't like the typical girl who immediately falls for the hero. She'd probably smack him one if it wasn't just the two of them. That last part where they left the ACs seems rushed but i can see it was pretty hard to do for the two characters.
I'll read the two other chapters later.
ADD-ON
OK, just finished 3 and 4. I'll be taking back what i said earlier that Hitomi has a few issues. I'm now going to say that she has a LOT of issues. Hell, even Jaden has problems.
Nice touch on the two. Not your typical lead characters who are all gung-ho, save-the-world-get-the-girl-types, although i'm quite sure how their relationship will turn out already. Well i can't blame them. I mean, anyone who has a childhood like those two would be very screwed-up psychologically. Those two are so emo.
Good pacing with the story. The prologue was okay and its getting better. Keep it up. :bigsmile:
<span style='color
ed'><span style='font-family
ptima'>This world is one of sadness. Battle brings death. Death brings sorrow. The living... may not hear them. Their voices... may fall upon deaf ears. But make no mistake... the dead... are not silent. Now you will know the sorrow of those whose lives you have ended... <br>-The Sorrow, Metal Gear Solid 3</span></span>
ed'><span style='font-familyptima'>This world is one of sadness. Battle brings death. Death brings sorrow. The living... may not hear them. Their voices... may fall upon deaf ears. But make no mistake... the dead... are not silent. Now you will know the sorrow of those whose lives you have ended... <br>-The Sorrow, Metal Gear Solid 3</span></span>
